


City of Sleepers

by Red_W0lf



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-13 04:37:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16885743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_W0lf/pseuds/Red_W0lf
Summary: Tyler suffers from insomnia.One day he decides, instead of lying awake the whole night, to take a stroll around in his hometown and he discovers an oasis of peace.It seems like he´s the only one awake in a city full of sleepers. But then there is this tattooed, pink haired stranger with sad eyes whose favorite spot in town seems to be the same as Tyler´s.





	1. Prologue

Tyler can´t sleep. It´s not that he isn´t tired or anything. No he´s so fucking tired, it feels like he has been drugged.   
His eyelids are heavy, his eyes are burning, his limbs feel like stone and his mind is clouded. Additionally he has a migraine.

 

It´s called insomnia of course as his doctor has explained. Characterized by sleep disorders, by frequent waking up and by short sleep phases.   
But Tyler doesn´t have the problem of short sleep phases or frequent waking up, he just can´t even fall asleep.

He would be damn happy if he actually had short sleep phases because that would mean that he would even get some sleep. His doctor prescribed him sleeping pills with the promise that they were the strongest on the market and had brought everyone to sleep. Until now. They did nothing for Tyler. Just made him feel even more drugged and hazy. And sleep was far away. 

When he reported his doctor that they didn´t work on him he was just waved off and told to increase the dose. After that he didn´t go to his doctor anymore but forced himself to see a psychologist. He had to walk for two months to work instead of taking the bus so he could afford it. 

With great hope in the heart he went to the appointment. But when it turned out that Tyler wasn´t ready to talk about his feeling and insecurities to a woman who seemed to him calculating and without having any empathy, it seemed like she had never had any personal issues, he quickly left after only two sessions. Her advice has been to establish a daily routine in his life, to eat enough, to do sports, or maybe to take some walks to get some fresh air before he goes to bed and to try and find someone he could share his life with. In her experience with other patients, human contact would help some people to cure their insomnia. 

That she hadn´t really arrived in the 21th century showed her suggestion that Tyler should go out in the evening and have some dates with nice girls. When he had added a “Or some dates with boys”, she had just gave him an uncomprehending glimpse.   
Tyler had thanked her as the polite person he is and had left with the words that maybe letting a cute guy fuck him every evening would make him tired enough to finally get some sleep. With that he had left her speechless. He had never returned to the psychologist or visited other doctors. 

 

 

His hope has been destroyed and only tons of caffeine and an unhealthy consumption of red bull make him survive the working days. 

He must admit that finding a boyfriend is a great idea but with Tyler being socially awkward and just going to parties when he is forced by some of his “friends” isn´t that much of a good condition to find someone. He had tried of course but every time he thought he had found a cute guy he could talk to and who could suit into his life, he quickly found out that all they ever wanted was a casual relationship without any problems or disorders concerning the partner. 

When it came to Tyler´s insomnia or his migraine they all left sooner or later with the excuse that they weren´t ready to have a proper relationship. To Tyler it meant that he was a hopeless case. 

He could understand that his migraine could bother someone and could bring some challenges into a relationship because when it was really bad he locked himself into a dark and cool room and didn´t speak to anyone. And without communication relationships are hard to have. But his insomnia wasn´t that much of a problem for others in his mind.   
Yes he was grumpy in the morning and maybe also during his work but with coffee he could handle that. He wouldn´t even bother his boyfriend while sleeping because in contrary to others he just lay in his bed, still and motionless, waiting for the alarm clock to go off. 

 

 

So there he is. He wasn´t able to sleep for whole three nights.   
He lies on his back in his bed, his head resting reasonably comfortably on his pillow and he has pulled his blanket up to the tip of his nose. He is surrounded by soothing heat, the air in the room isn´t stuffy and it´s pleasantly dark. 

Everything would be fucking perfect if he could only sleep. His eyes are closed and he feels so calm but he hears his heart pounding loudly against his chest and blood rushing through his veins and the sleep just will not come. He is so tired. So fucking tired.   
His mind is consumed by only one thought. Please, I need some sleep. Just a few hours. Please. 

But whoever Tyler begs to, doesn´t listen. And by wanting sleep so much it goes further and further away. The thought that he really needs it cause his shifts starts at 6 am puts more and more pressure on Tyler until it´s already half past four and he has to get up at five. Another night without sleep.   
And just when he feels that his mind and body finally give in and are about to surrender to the exhaustion, his alarm clock goes off. The same as almost every night. 

Funny enough he is mostly able to sleep on the weekends or when he comes home from work and it´s still bright day. But only for a few hours until it gets dark. And most of the times he has nightmares. When he wakes up, panting, covered in cold sweat and his heart beating like crazy he never knows what his dream has been about but it takes him long to calm himself down. 

He doesn´t know if they come from unrevealed traumas in his early childhood but it´s a matter of fact that he never really had an intact family. His dad has always been at work or when he wasn´t, he cheated on his mum who tried to maintain the happy family façade but failed and young Tyler often heard her crying. His parents never wanted to divorce because of their Christian faith and his mum always forgave her husband his ‘small’ mistakes. At some point all that you could hear in the Joseph household was silent and when Tyler was of age he couldn´t move out fast enough.   
Of course he sees his parents at the usual dates like birthdays and Christmas but they still they don´t know that Tyler is gay and he will not tell them soon.

So his main “activity” on the weekends and when he comes home is catching up sleep. Tyler hates his life. Maybe he is a vampire he sometimes thinks sarcastically. Maybe he should try and find a job at night. But then his social life would even decrease more. He asked his boss whether he could take over the night shifts but it has been denied. And Tyler needs his fucking job.


	2. Chapter 1

It´s Wednesday night when Tyler decides that just lying in his bed the whole night is just killing him slowly.   
He no longer has a goal in life. Making music has been his dream but after quitting college he had to find himself a job to survive. Then somehow he´s lost his way, he´s lost his inspiration. He wasn´t able to afford any instruments anymore and soon enough without music in his life, the insomnia started. 

He doesn´t think about suicide yet. Or maybe he does but he has told himself that he won´t kill himself because he´s just twenty one and he has still hope that everything gets better. Someday. 

 

So it´s a chill night in August when Tyler decides that he won´t stay in bed the whole night unable to sleep. No. He thinks about the advice his former psychologist gave him to get some fresh air before he goes to bed. Well he is already in bed but walking around in the dark city seemed like a good idea to Tyler. Better than staying in bed. And he must admit that he has never walked around alone in the city at half past two. He is curious what he will see. 

Thus, he throws over a black hoodie and puts on some black skinny jeans and vans.   
The night is black and so is Tyler. 

Then he grabs his keys and before he can change his mind, he closes the door and walks down the street towards the city centre. 

It´s August, the last few weeks were incredible hot and sultry and the nights didn´t create any recovery, but the rain lately has cooled the earth down and now the nights are rather chill. Tyler is glad that he decided to wear his hoodie.   
The air smells of freshly mown grass when he walks past the neighbourhood and for the first time for weeks he is able to breathe deeply and free. The cold air fills his lungs and his mind starts to recover. He is still tired but somehow it feels alright. He doesn´t feel numb anymore. 

He reaches the first office buildings when he realizes that he´s completely and utterly alone. Not a single human being is to be seen.   
But instead of feeling uncomfortable he is calm and his mind takes in every almost inaudible noise with delight, the whisper of the gentle wind, the hum of electricity, the rustling of the rats in the garbage, the echoing clack of his own steps. 

Tyler is almost enchanted by the noises he would never be able hear if he would be in his bed right now because usually they are drowned out by the hectic buzzing of the city life. The only thing that disturbs him is the feeling of hard asphalt under his feet and the concrete buildings that seem to surround him everywhere. Also the bright light of the streets light blinds his tired eyes. He would prefer to walk on something soft so that his steps would be subdued to concentrate more on the noises of his surroundings. He would love to make a detour to a park. 

He makes his way through his hometown and deliberately avoids the streets and places where the bars and clubs are and the party and night life takes place. He wants to maintain the feeling that he is the only one awake in a city full of sleepers. When he hears the chattering of people coming from a street to his left he turns right, accelerating his steps until he is almost jogging. Even though it´s his hometown he doesn´t know every place, every street and every district. 

So after a few minutes of getting away from the party goers, he reaches a what seemed quite large piece of ground, surrounded by iron fences. It is definitely a park or great garden, with amounts of trees and Tyler thinks he can smell water. Maybe he is lucky and the park is still open. 

He walks along the fence and when he gets to a large iron gate with dangerous looking spikes on top his heart beats faster in the longing for a green oasis in the midst of concrete and glass. There is a sign and he has to squint his eyes until he can read that the park is only open until 10 pm.   
He shakes the iron bars and the door is locked of course.   
He´s about to turn around when he suddenly becomes stubborn and unwilling to go home.   
It´s not like there is someone waiting for him. So he walks a few feet until he reaches a higher point, grabs the bars and climbs without further ado over the fence. 

 

When he jumps off the fence and his feet touch the ground he suddenly feels grounded and arrived. As if he´s in his own little world where no one can disturb him.   
He doesn´t think about his work anymore that awaits him tomorrow, the rude stressed out customers, the yelling of his chef when he once more spilled the coffee because he´s often so exhausted due to the lack of sleep that his hands are trembling or is to slow with serving the food.   
He forgets about all pressure that lasts on him. He walks along a small path, surrounded by old pines. 

The air is filled by the scent of spicy resin and rotten bark. It´s almost pitch dark and it takes a few seconds for eyes to adjust.   
The trees are standing not too close and luckily the moon gives some light. The ground beneath his feet consists out of compressed earth, roots break now and then through the surface and Tyler has to walk careful and keep an eye on the ground so he doesn´t stumble.   
The wind rushes through the tree tops and Tyler´s own springy steps are almost impossible to hear. Tyler takes deep breaths and inhales the fresh air. He walks a few minutes along the path and wonders how big the park might be.   
Tyler hears the breaking of branches in the bushes and silently hopes that it just comes from animals and not from a crazed psychopath or drug addicts. He would prefer to come home safely after his little excursion but he isn´t overly concerned. He is not one to worry about strange noises in the dark. Somehow when it comes to situations where other people would feel uncertain and uncomfortable like walking around in the dark alone or taking the train after midnight, he just doesn´t care or think about what could possibly happen.   
Maybe it´s because he never got in a really dangerous situation before or he just has no awareness for risks. 

 

His feet are getting tired and he decides that he will look for a bench not ready to go home yet.   
The wind calms down and Tyler believes he perceives the sound of running water.   
He follows the path around a few turns, his view is limited by the vegetation, when the path unexpectedly ends up on a paved square. 

More paths lead away from the square, disappearing in the dark. They seem more fortified and walkable than Tyler´s path and it looks like Tyler had taken the wildest trail existing in the park. 

In the middle is a small marble fountain. The gurgling and splashing of the water he thought he heard is obviously coming from here. Tyler is happy because he loves the sound of water. The square is only illuminated on one side by a dirty street lamp which doesn´t bring much light.   
Obviously the city wants to save money by shutting down the lights in a technically anyway closed park. 

With a satisfied sigh he sits down on the bench a few feet away from the street lamp. He lies down on his back, crosses his arms under his head and looks up into the sky observing the stars and listening to the soothing rippling.   
He feels so relaxed right know.   
The air is clear but somehow it has the spicy aroma of weed in it.   
Maybe this is the meeting place for young people looking for rest and relaxation and a secluded place to get high during the day. 

At some point he turns his head and watches the steady flow of water of the fountain.   
He starts to ponder about why people think throwing coins into a fountain would bring luck or would fulfil a wish. He comes to no answer. But it´s worth a try. Why not. He gets up and searches his pockets for coins. With a satisfied grin he pulls out a quarter dollar.   
He steps to the edge of the fountain, presses the coin to his lips, closes his eyes and throws it into the basin. He closes his hands into fists and thinks about his most urgent wish. To finally be able to sleep.

 

Suddenly he hears a low chuckle coming from the opposite side of the place which lies completely in the dark.   
Tyler gasps startled and freezes in his movements.   
He squints his eyes together and tries to identify something but all he can make out is a dark shadow sitting on a bench.

“You know that throwing coins into fountains to get your wishes fulfilled is bullshit?”, a distinct voice says in a mocking tone.   
“I already tried.”

Tyler gulps. He thought he was alone. 

“Wh…Who is there?”, Tyler stutters.

The shadow moves.   
The stranger takes a few steps towards Tyler who takes a few steps back. 

“What are you doing here?”, the stranger asks menacingly. “The park is closed.”

Tyler stumbles a few more steps back until the back of his knees hit the bench. The stranger circles the fountain and steps into the light.   
Tyler´s eyes widen. The man is gorgeous.   
He´s about the same size as Tyler, has a pink Mohawk, a nose ring and gorges. Light stubble covers his chin. He wears skinny jeans and a plain white tee.   
Tyler can see the beautiful tattoo covering his right arm. He definitely works out, Tyler watches the muscles working under the skin.   
He is goddamn beautiful and Tyler gets goosebumps all over.   
The stranger holds a joint between his fingers and his dark eyes are sparkling in the light. He looks pale and Tyler wonders whether he is sick.

 

“I..I could ask you the same”, he replies, sounding more confident than he feels. 

The stranger takes a drag from his joint and exhales, smoke filling the air. He glares at Tyler.

“This is my place. I want to be alone. Fuck off”, he growls rudely.   
Even though he has an angry impression he kinda looks sad and lonely, Tyler thinks.

 

“I…”, Tyler starts and is about to say that he can´t own a place in a public park when he is cut off.

“I said fuck off or I´ll make you.”   
The stranger throws his joint away and takes one more step towards Tyler.

 

Tyler ponders for a moment and looks into the stranger´s sad eyes.   
Then he turns on his heels and walks away, deciding to go home and not to probably get into a fight. 

When he´s almost out of sight, he turns around and sees that the stranger is now sitting on the bench, slumped, face buried in his hands, his shoulders are shaking as if he´s crying. When he listens closely he can hear heart-breaking sobs. 

Even though the stranger told him to fuck off, Tyler has the feeling of guilt in his guts because of leaving him alone like that. He feels a strange connection. Maybe he has the same miserable life like Tyler has. And he wonders why the stranger is in a closed park alone at night. Maybe he is not the only who can´t sleep at night.

When he arrives at his home it´s almost four am and so much his excursion has distracted him from the constant tiredness so much he wishes now to jump into his bed and pull the blanket over his head.   
But he has to go to work.   
So he somehow spends the rest of the time with drinking coffee and staring at the wall.   
But he can´t stop himself thinking about the stranger and how lost he looked. His heart is beating faster when he recaps what happens. And it´s not because he threatened him.

At work the thought of the stranger never leaves his mind and he decides that he will go back to the square the following night.   
Maybe he will see him there again.   
It´s a stupid idea because the strangers clearly wasn´t interested in Tyler and wanted to be alone. But Tyler always has been drawn to lost souls, perhaps because he´s one himself. If he´s there he will try and talk to him again. 

Deeply in thoughts he doesn´t hear his chef telling him to take the order of the new customers.   
He just stands at the counter biting his nails. Suddenly his chef rushes out of the kitchen face red with anger.   
He grabs Tyler shoulder and shakes him roughly.   
“Tyler, you incompetent fool, fucking go and do your fucking job”, he yells at Tyler, drops of spit landing in his face. 

Tyler looks at him confused. Then he gets angry. No one touches him without permission. 

“Don´t fucking touch me”, he yells back.   
His chef is slightly taken back because Tyler never yelled before but then his face turns into a derogatory grin. 

“Oh you don´t like being touched.”   
He brings his hand once more to Tyler´s shoulder and shoves him back. 

Tyler stumbles and hits a bar stool with his back. His chef grabs his shirt and pulls him close. 

“Then do your fucking job.”   
His nose is almost touching Tyler´s. 

That´s enough.   
Tyler slaps his hand away and tries to break free. But his chef has a strong grip.   
He starts to panic due to the uncomfortable closeness and while he struggles he somehow hits the shinbone of the other man with his foot who finally lets go.   
Cursing from the pain he regards Tyler with an icy cold look. 

“You´re fired.” Tyler is still breathing hardly from the struggle.   
He needs the money and usually he would beg to be able to keep his job but his chef stepped over a line by touching him like that. 

“Fine”, he says through gritted teeth, turns around and walks out of the diner with his head held high.   
He feels proud of not begging for his anyway shitty job.

 

When he´s home reality hits him and he sinks down on the floor, sobbing. It´s a mixture of feelings.   
He´s relieved that he doesn´t have to force himself to go to work every morning but he´s afraid of what will happen now.   
He somehow has to pay the rent and buy food.   
He feels lonely and once more the dark thoughts of being useless begin to creep into his mind.   
He´s never going to make it. He´s never going to live his dreams and make music. 

The thought of the pink haired man crosses his mind. At least he has something to do at night. He´s going to see him again.   
He crawls into his bed and finally his body gives in and he falls into a comatose-like sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are highly appreciated ;)


	3. Chapter 2

He sleeps for full 14 hours and wakes up at 1 am at night. Sleep has given his body some recovery but deep in his soul he still feels incredibly exhausted. 

Again he is covered in sweat and he feels his heart beating against his ribcage. He obviously had another nightmare. 

With a groan he gets up, moving to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. Then he walks into the tiny bathroom and sprays cold water into his face. 

When he looks into the mirror, he isn´t overly pleased with what he sees. Not that he was ever really happy with himself.  
He looks pale and has almost purple eye bags.  
His fluffy hair is messed up and clearly too long for his liking.  
He definitely needs a change. 

So he makes short work, grabs his electrical razor and moves it with even motions over the skull. The buzzing sound is somehow soothing. Brown hair is falling into the sink and disappearing when Tyler opens the water tap and lets the water wash it away.  
When he looks into his mirror again just light stubble covers his head.  
He feels freed.  
His cheekbones are now more noticeably and his eyes seem bigger. He looks more fragile than ever. 

While staring at his reflexion in the mirror, the thought of the stranger in the park flashes through his mind and suddenly he feels alive.  
He will find out what he was doing there. Even though he has lost his job and has to ask his parents for support until he finds another one, his mind keeps circling around the stranger.  
He will try and talk to him again. 

 

 

He changes into the same outfit like last night and with euphoria in his heart he makes his way to the park.  
He climbs over the fence and runs to the square.  
He almost falls when he stumbles over the roots.  
He doesn´t know what to say. To tell him that his mind kept spinning around him the whole day would be weird. 

He will start by telling him his name and report about his day. Maybe he will just walk away, maybe he will beat him up but Tyler doesn´t care.  
It´s worth a try.  
Maybe he will find a friend. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.  
Tyler realizes how crazy that sounds in his head but he feels a strange connection to the pink haired man.  
Once in his life he has to do something complete insane and out of his comfort zone. 

 

When he arrives at the fountain, he´s out of breath.  
Breathing heavily he walks around the fountain scanning the benches with his eyes.  
But no one is there. Disappointed he realizes that he´s utterly alone.  
He sits down on the same bench like last night and forces himself to breathe slowly and calm down. 

He feels sad and alone and suddenly the feelings become too much. Tears are running down his face and his shoulders shake by sobs.  
Angry, he tries to wipe the tears away but they keep coming and coming. 

“Why are you crying?”, says a soft voice. 

With puffy red eyes Tyler looks up. At his right side, barely visible between the shadows of the trees, is the one he has hoped to meet.  
He takes a few steps into the light. He still looks pale but fortunately it seems like he´s not angry that Tyler is there. Tyler is slightly unsure by his change in behaviour.

Tyler takes a deep breath.  
“I…I don´t know”, he answers. “I got fired yesterday and it´s just all too much.”

“I´m sorry.”  
He sits down on the edge of the fountain and watches Tyler. 

“It´s not your fault”, Tyler mumbles.

“I know.” He sighs.  
“Then I´m sorry for being so rude to you yesterday night. I just really needed some time alone.”  
He tucks back a strand of his pink hair.  
“That´s all”, he adds.

 

Tyler nods. But somehow he feels like he´s not telling the whole truth. There must be more. Why else would he have cried?

“Don´t we all need that sometimes? I´m Tyler.” He reaches out his hand.

The man watches it for a second and Tyler holds his breath but then he grabs it and shakes Tyler´s hand.  
Tyler´s skin is tingling at the contact.

“The name is Josh.”

“Nice to meet you Josh”, Tyler says and really means it.  
Just now he realizes how relieved he is that Josh accepts his presence.

 

“Why were you here alone yesterday?” Tyler tries to get some answers. 

“Like I said, I needed some time alone and usually here is no one when the park is closed.”

But deep down Tyler knows that it´s not all. When someone is crying like Josh did last night there must be something wrong. 

“That´s everything? You don´t have any…I don´t know…problems?”, Tyler doesn´t give up so easily.

 

“Everything is fine. And it´s none of your business anyway”, Josh sounds emotionless and doesn´t look into Tyler´s eyes while saying it.

Alright so clearly he doesn´t like to talk about his feelings or problems and Tyler is sure when he tells him that he saw him crying, Josh will turn on his heels and leave.

“Sure, got it”, Tyler says.  
He´s got time. Maybe Josh will open up later. They both fall silent and listen to the gurgling sound of the fountain.

“You shaved your hair”, Josh comments a few minutes later.

“I needed something new.” Tyler runs his hand over his head. It´s a strange feeling.

“Looks good”, Josh says and cracks a smile.

Tyler blushes at the compliment and nervously fumbles with the ribbons of his hoodie.

“Thanks, I like your hair too. Looks like the sky just before sunrise. Y..You know when the sky is all pink. When the clouds look like cotton candy.”  
The heck is Tyler talking about? Can this be more awkward? 

But Josh just smiles.  
“So what were you doing here late at night in a closed park? Again”, Josh asks with furrowed brows.

Tyler decides to tell him half the truth.  
“I have sleeping issues and I decided to for a walk and because I really love nature I ended up here.”  
The part with being here again because he wanted to see Josh he skips.

“Alright.” Josh somehow doesn´t seem satisfied yet.  
“But what are you doing here again. I watched you. You didn´t see me when you came running and it seemed like you were looking for someone.”  
He cocks his head.

Tyler blushes again and bites his lips.  
“I don´t know”, Tyler says but it sounds more like a question.

“You don´t know?”, Josh says sceptically.

Tyler lowers his head.  
He´s going to tell him the truth. Even though it maybe means that Josh will think of him as a weirdo. 

He closes his eyes and holds his breath.  
“Well to be honest I came here today because I wanted to see you again.”  
he looks up again.

Josh stares at him.

Tyler swallows. “Yesterday, even though you told me to fuck off, I, man that´s awkward…” Tyler rubs the bridge of his nose and doesn´t dare to look into Josh´s eyes. “I felt and still feel a connection to you as if we were meant to meet and I couldn´t stop thinking about you the whole day. So I decided to go to this place again.”

Josh opens his mouth.

“Please don´t think that I´m some sort of a madman”, Tyler quickly adds. "Cause I´m not, really." 

 

“Well, that´s… interesting”, is all Josh says. His face shows no emotions.

 

That´s all? Tyler would give anything to know what Josh is thinking right now.

Silently they are watching each other. 

Minutes pass when Josh starts to talk again.

“So tell me more about your sleeping issues.” 

He gets up from the edge of the fountain and sits down next to Tyler. Their knees are touching slightly. Tyler looks down and then back to Josh.

“You don´t think I´m weird?” Tyler is unsure.

“Nope”, is Josh´s short answer.

Tyler hums.  
He doesn´t know what to think of Josh.  
His sudden changes in mood, his acceptance of Tyler´s weird behaviour and the disliking of talking about himself.  
It´s weird. But Tyler won´t judge.  
He only feels more attracted to Josh.  
Yeah, that´s it. He feels attracted. And he trusts him even though he knows him for just a few minutes and his behaviour is still a mystery. 

So he tells him everything about his insomnia, his nightmares, his resistance against sleeping pills and his many visits to doctors and psychologists. The whole time he keeps staring at his hands folded in his lap.  
When he is finished he looks up to Josh. 

Josh is staring at him with a concerned and compassionate expression. He gulps and clears his throat.  
“I..I´m sorry”, he cracks out. 

Tyler shows a half-hearted smile.  
Suddenly Josh leans forward and hugs him tightly.  
Briefly he gets tense because of the unexpected body contact but then he relaxes in Josh´s arms. 

Tyler´s head is pressed against Josh´s chest that raises and lowers with every breath. He smells Josh´s musky scent with a touch of something lemony in it.  
He perceives Josh´s warm and comforting hands which wander up and down his back and press him closer. He feels his heart beating against his chest, strong and alive. Or is it Josh´s? He closes his eyes and feels Josh´s breath ghosting over his shaved head. It feels so good and again tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes.

Suddenly, Josh pulls back and gets up.  
Tyler looks at him confused and hurt. He faces away from Tyler so Tyler can´t read his expression. 

“I..”, Josh murmurs. “I see you tomorrow.”  
He quickly gets up and hurries away, his eyes are fixed on the ground.

“Josh wait”, Tyler shouts, quickly gets up and reaches out his hand as if he could stop him.

Josh looks back over his shoulder at Tyler´s call. Tyler sees something in his eyes that he can´t quite assign. Maybe it´s hope? Then Josh turns his head again, disappears in the dark and leaves a perplexed and confused Tyler.

 

Only by the promise that Tyler will see him again tomorrow, he somehow makes it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don´t know, I kinda like this chapter


	4. Chapter 3

Actually Tyler wanted to look around for jobs he could do at night. But now that it´s the third day or rather night he will see Josh again, working at night is completely out of his mind. 

Looking for a job that is paid well enough to afford living without any degree is harder than Tyler imagined.   
He does have some money left but it´s barely enough to make it for two months without having to ask his parents for money. Even though he still has the opportunity to move back in into his parent´s house for Tyler it´s something he would only do if he has no other chance.

Walking around in the city and asking randomly around for a job seems like a good idea to Tyler so he does exactly this.   
But somehow no one wants to have him.   
In every bar, every diner or restaurant he gets denied. 

He walks through the streets and a little later he finds himself close the park where he met Josh.   
Now that it is bright day he notices that he´s in a rather fancy area.   
The shops are getting more expensive, Mercedes and Audis are parked on the roadside, people in suits and dresses are walking by and no garbage is to be seen. 

He walks along the iron fence of the park, not willing to enter because somehow he fears that if he does he will not see Josh tonight.   
A silly fear but he can´t help it. 

He doesn´t dare to ask in one of the fancy shops for a job.  
Dressed in a band shirt from Death Cab for Cutie, skinny jeans with holes at the knees and army jacket tied around his hips it just doesn´t seem appropriate.   
A shop catches his eyes that doesn´t quite fit into the environment. 

It´s a music store. The shop windows are full of electric guitars, basses and even a drum set.   
He reads names like Gretsch, Gibson, Les Pauls, Tyler moves closer.   
The black and red look of the shop plus the shining instruments create a strong contrast to the whole street.   
But obviously the people here are used to the shop because they don´t give it too much attention. 

The instruments don´t have any price tags which tells Tyler that only the people who live in this area anyway can afford the instruments.   
He would maybe have to work for about half a year to be able to buy the cheapest ukulele in the shop. 

A red neon sign is installed above the door and reveals Tyler the name of the shop. Spooky´s. A weird name for a music store, he thinks.it reminds him of Halloween.

 

 

Tyler loves instruments, he loves music and suddenly without further thinking he has opened the door and is now standing in the shop surrounded by the wonderful smell of new instruments.   
He inhales deeply.   
It seems like he´s alone.   
He passes the electric guitars, the acoustic guitars, the basses letting his hand slide over the smooth surfaces. 

The he arrives at the ukuleles.   
He doesn´t know whether it´s allowed to touch them but really at this moment he doesn´t give a fuck.   
He grabs a kala concert ukulele, obviously made of mahogany and touches the strings.   
He plucks the A- string carefully and smiles, listening to the clear tone.   
Then he starts to play. He used to have a ukulele and a keyboard when he was younger but his dad took it away when he started to compose songs and told everyone that he wanted to become a musician, maybe a singer.   
Sad songs like this aren´t good for a boy like you he was told.   
Do something reasonable, music won´t help you in life they said. 

 

His fingers seem to play by themselves, a sad song, a song he wrote about his mum.   
He begins to sing the lyrics along quietly.   
He nearly forgot how playing and singing felt like. 

“You have a wonderful voice”, someone says behind him. 

Tyler´s heart skips a beat. Startled, he turns around.   
A short man is standing in front of him.   
Tattoos cover his arms, he wears black all over and his hair is cut short and bleached almost white.   
He looks kinda badass, like someone who could easily kick our ass and if he wouldn´t have smiled up to Tyler so kindly, he would be slightly concerned.

“Oh, I…I´m sorry, I just wanted, I…I´m sorry if I wasn´t allowed to touch the instruments”, he stutters, nervously fumbling with the ukulele.   
A nameplate is attached to his tee. It says Pete.

“Everything´s fine dude. Don´t worry. Instruments are there to play them. Right?”, he says and winks.

Tyler laughs with relief. He decides that he likes him.

“I´m Pete by the way”, he points towards the nameplate. 

“Obviously.” He grins. Then he offers Tyler his hand.  
Tyler grabs it and they share a handshake. 

“Tyler.” He puts the ukulele back to its original place. “It´s a nice shop you have here.”

“Yeah, our boss built the whole thing up on his own. His family is kinda rich but he wanted to have his one thing. He´s a pretty chilled dude. The best boss you can have. And he really loves music.”, Pete tells.

Tyler nods and smiles. “That sounds great. I love music too.”

Suddenly, Pete hits his head with his hand.   
“Oh man, I´m so sorry, I forgot, do you want to buy anything? Do you need any advice?”

Tyler blushes. “No, hm, actually, I don´t, I…”. 

If he tells Pete now that he doesn´t have enough money to be able to afford anything in this shop he is sure that he won´t let him stay any longer. Not to speak of letting him play any instruments again. After all, it´s his job to sell instruments.

Tyler lowers his head.   
“Actually, I really don´t have the money. I´m just looking for a job”, he mumbles. 

He expects Pete to tell him to leave, but Pete beams at Tyler and places a hand on his shoulder. 

“Dude, that´s awesome. You know our boss leaves us pretty much free hand here because he rarely has the time to come around due to his health and my workmate and I can decide almost everything on our own.”  
Tyler cocks his head. He wonders what kind of disease Pete´s boss has but he doesn´t want to be nosy and ask.

“By chance you came in just at the right time.”, Pete continues.   
“We need one more co-worker and because I can see that you´re really talented and understand something about music you can start to work here by Monday. I have to ask my buddie, Brendon, who works here too first but I´m sure he´ll be ok with it.”

Tyler stares at Pete in complete disbelief. 

“Just if you want of course”, Pete adds.

Tyler doesn´t know if he can trust his own voice.   
“I…”, he begins, his voice sounds hoarse and he has to clear his throat first.  
Pete looks at him expectantly. 

“I would love to”, he manages to say. He is overwhelmed. It has always been his dream to work in a music store and right now he couldn´t care less about how long he has to work and how much they gonna pay him.

“That´s great”, Pete beams. He gives him a hug and unlikely for Tyler, he enjoys it.   
“Wait a second. I go get Brendon.”

Pete disappears into a room, Tyler assumes it´s the storeroom.   
He can hear Pete shouting for Brendon.   
“B, you lazy ass, come here, we have a new co-worker”, he shouts.  
Tyler waits patiently, grinning to himself at Pete´s words.

Then Pete comes back with a tall, black haired and very handsome man following him. 

“That´s Tyler”, he introduces him.

The man, evidently Brendon eyes him up. His face shows no emotion.   
Tyler shrinks under his intense gaze. He prays that he will like him. 

Pete rolls his eyes.   
“Dude, don´t scare him.”

“Good taste in music”, Brendon finally says and motions towards Tyler´s shirt. “I approve.”   
He grins. Then he pats Tyler´s shoulder.   
“Welcome to the team, Tyty.”

Tyler grins back. He is going to get along with these guys very well. He feels like this is the best day he had so far in his life.   
And tonight he will see Josh again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love Pete and Brendon


	5. Chapter 4

This time, now that he is sure that he will see Josh again, Tyler takes a long time thinking about his outfit.  
Suddenly, it becomes important to him how he looks like.  
He tells himself that he just wants to make a good impression, nothing more.  
It´s not like he wants to look cute for Josh. Surely, he isn’t even gay. But it´s a matter of fact that Tyler spends almost an hour in front of his wardrobe in search for the perfect outfit. 

Finally he picks out his favourite black skinny jeans that hug his ass tightly and a shirt that has cut outs at the side which let the tattoos on his arms show and give an almost free look on his upper body. He´s skinny and not muscular as Josh is but he has to live with it and doesn´t care too much. He´s full of adrenaline and almost at the park when he realizes that wearing just a top is maybe a bit too cold.  
But now it’s too late. 

 

Tyler is in a very good mood. Before he got ready he even slept for a few hours. Without any sleeping pills. So he feels quite recovered.  
When he thinks about his job that starts on Monday his heart jumps. He can’t really believe it yet. He’s going to work together with what seems very nice people that have the potential to become his friends and he is surrounded by what he loves and needs in his life. Music. 

 

He climbs over the fence, his feet and hands find the right points automatically without having to think.  
When he walks along the path he whistles a melody that stuck in his head since he visited the music stores. It seems like his mind started creating again by itself.  
He didn’t realize how much he missed it. 

When he emerges from the shadows of the trees and reaches the square he sees Josh standing in front of the fountain.  
His pink hair is reflecting the weak light from the dirty street lamp and glowing in the dark.  
His back is facing Tyler. His hands are folded in his back and it seems like he’s staring at something Tyler can’t see.  
He’s standing there like a statue, straight without moving an inch and for Tyler he somehow he appears unreal. Carefully he steps forward not knowing what to except because last time Josh left so quickly and unexpected. 

 

When Josh hears his footsteps he slightly turns his head so Tyler can see the stubble on his cheeks. But then he looks straight ahead again.  
Tyler steps next to Josh close enough to hear his breathing but he doesn’t dare to touch him. H

e waits a couple seconds for Josh to talk first but nothing happens. Tyler decides to make the first step. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the cold, fresh air and opens his mouth.  
“Did I…” 

“I have to..”, Josh says simultaneously.  
They look at each other for the first time, both blushing and then laughing awkwardly. Tyler looks to ground, bites his lips and rubs his neck.  
When he looks back up he sees that Josh is staring at him intensely.  
Tyler blushes even more. Josh clears his throat.  
“I.. you first.”

“No it’s okay, you first.” Tyler smiles at him. 

“Alright then.” Josh scratches his head and looks at him sheepishly.  
“Should we sit down first?”

Tyler nods and they both make themselves comfortable on a bench. Tyler doesn’t know how much distance is fine for Josh because he left immediately after they hugged.  
If it was up to him he would snuggle close to him.  
He expects Josh to keep distance but he surprises him by sitting rather closely to Tyler. It’s the first time Tyler realizes that Josh actually has freckles. 

Josh clears his throat again.  
“I…I have to apologize. For yesterday I mean. For leaving so quickly. I think I have to explain myself.”

“Did I do something wrong?”, Tyler strikes in concerned. 

Josh looks at him utterly shocked.  
“What no. No Tyler. Don’t think that. You’ve done nothing wrong”, he says softly and places a hand on Tyler´s knee. 

“It’s just since my childhood I have these anxiety attacks. They come and go without reason. I have no influence on it. And it usually happens when I’m around other people. It just gets all too much. It feels like the whole world is crashing down on me. But I think I can deal with it.”  
He talks with no emotion in his voice but a single tear makes it way down his cheek.  
“But here it’s quiet. No one ever comes around.“ Josh smiles weakly.  
“So this place is like a safe haven for me, where no one can disturb me.”  
He wipes the tear away, angrily as if he doesn´t want Tyler to see him cry. But Tyler senses that Josh is just trying to supress his emotions.

Tyler feels really really comfortable with Josh´s hand on his knee but his heart aches out of compassion when Josh explains his reaction with a quiet voice. 

But still and he doesn’t know why, still he has the feeling that Josh is playing it all down.  
That these anxiety attacks are a lot worse than Josh suggests. 

Carefully with slightly shaking fingers he reaches forward and places a hand on Josh’s cold cheek. He knows that Josh doesn’t want to hear that Tyler is sorry for him. Tyler hates to hear it himself. So he tries to give Josh the comfort of human body contact. 

“Shh”, he soothes. “It’s okay. I’m here.” Josh leans into his touch and closes his eyes.  
His breathing calms down. Tyler just wants him to let go. To let all the emotions out that he tries so desperately to hide from him. But he can tell that Josh isn’t ready, yet. They sit there in the cold, Josh’s hand on Tyler’s knee and Tyler’s hand on Josh’s cheek.

 

“Thank you for being here.” Josh finally breaks the silence.  
Tyler takes back his hand but Josh’s is still on his knee.  
“I didn’t know how much I’ve missed company, even though I like to be alone, it’s nice to have you here. I just know you for a few days or rather nights but it feels like we are friends.” 

It comes out like a question. Tyler’s heart sinks. Yeah, just friends, of course Josh isn’t gay. 

“Friends? Yeah, of course, if you want.” Tyler tries to sound enthusiastically but fails.  
He can tell that Josh noticed it because now he looks slightly hurt and takes his hand away from Tyler’s knee. 

“Look, I just thought, I, damn, forget it”, Josh says and turns slightly away from Tyler. 

“Josh?”, Tyler asks and touches his shoulder. 

 

“If you don’t want to be friends that´s fine with me, just go then.”, Josh mumbles. 

“No, no Josh, that´s not what I meant. I´m sorry. I’d love to be friends with you, really. It’s just, it’s…”, Tyler stutters, a blush rises in his cheeks. 

Josh faces him again clearly awaiting an answer. 

 

“It’s..”, Tyler looks down and takes a deep breath. “I thought, maybe, you know Josh, I like you.”  
He peeks up and sees the uncomprehending look on Josh’s face.  
Damn. 

“I like you. Very much you know.” Now Tyler’s voice is barely a whisper.  
“I thought we could be more maybe?” 

Realization strikes Josh’s face and he looks at Tyler wide-eyed with blushed cheeks. 

“I mean, oh gosh, I ruined everything, I don’t know if you’re gay but if you’re not that’s okay with me really, we can just be friends, nothing more. Please?”, Tyler rambles and buries his face in his hands.  
He hears that Josh clears his throat. 

“Tyler I…” he sounds hoarse. “I don’t trust easily but with you it’s different.” 

Tyler’s heart pounds against his chest. Josh takes Tyler’s hands in his so he isn’t able to hide anymore. 

“Give me time, okay?” Relieve washes over Tyler and he didn’t realize until now that he held his breath.  
Tyler smiles and nods.  
Josh gave him hope and that’s enough for now. 

 

 

They start to talk about their hobbies and Tyler finds out that Josh love music as much as he does. He even plays the drums. 

A cold wind arises and Tyler shudders. He rubs his arms and tries to protect him from the cold. Josh watches him, gets up and pulls off his hoodie. Tyler follows his movements confused. 

“I really think you look absolutely ho..I mean good, you look good in these clothes.” Josh blushes and Tyler just grins.  
“But it’s definitely too cold, you are freezing, I can see it…”  
Tyler opens his mouth to protest but Josh doesn’t let him. 

“Don’t tell me you’re not freezing”, he says in a demanding tone that stifles every resistance in Tyler. Josh hands him his hoodie. 

“Here, put it on ”.  
Tyler does as he’s told. Immediately he feels warmer.  
“Thank you”, he whispers. 

An idea crosses his mind.  
“Josh?”, he says. 

“Hmm?” 

"Would you, would you like to meet me somewhere else. Not only in the park. Maybe in daylight. Maybe at home. I mean in my flat. It’s not big or anything but maybe we could hang out together, play some games and it’s warm there. I could order takeaway. I know the best Chinese. Maybe if you would like to?”. 

Tyler really has to stop rambling. Josh stays silent for a few seconds. 

“Yeah why not”, he says. Tyler feels like the happiest being on earth. He beams at Josh who smiles back. 

“Then on Saturday? I give you my number and I’ll text you where?” 

Josh grins at Tyler’s excitement. They exchange numbers and hug each other when they say goodbye. 

Tyler feels dizzy and his whole body is tingling. He tells himself not to be over excited or to expect too much but he’s sure that he has found a new friend no matter what. He begins to wiggle out of Josh’s hoodie that’s too big for Tyler’s slim body but Josh stops him. 

“Keep it for now, you can give it to me on Saturday.” Tyler is sure that his heart stops for a moment.  
He barely whispers a ‘Thank you’ and his cheeks heat up again. He’s certain he must look like complete fool but Josh gives him a warm smile and Tyler is sure to be the happiest being on earth. 

 

 

 

Back home, he goes to bed, Josh’s hoodie in his arms, his scent surrounding him and just before he falls asleep he notices that maybe just maybe the warm and tingly feeling he gets every time when he thinks of Josh could be love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone

**Author's Note:**

> Insomnia can be horrible and trust me, I know what I´m talking about.  
> Anyway, sleep well all of you


End file.
